1.) Kathleen got a fabulous new pair of purple, ostrich, leather boots for Christmas! Boy was Timmy jealous! However, while coming into work, she slid on our icy sidewalks, so as soon she pulled herself out of the lilac bushes she decided to solve this dangerous problem. "There is more than one way to skin this cat!" she exclaimed walking through the door picking lilac twigs from her hair. We all looked at her puzzled, but as soon as she took off her boots we knew what she was referring to, her slippery soles!
Wendell said, "I've got sandpaper right here at my desk!"
Connie said, "Yes, I've heard that works but wrapping wide rubber bands around your shoes works better!" as she knocked her coffee cup on the ground. (Her depth perception isn't what it used be ever since the glitter accident of 2010 which left her wearing an eye patch ironically covered in glitter.)
Timmy said, "Try duct tape strips!" We all looked at him doubtfully (and Connie half looked).
Kathleen shrugged and said "What the hell, the lilac bush is already destroyed." She cut a few one inch strips of tape and placed them on the soles and heel of her boots. She tested the concept by walking back to the lilac bush to retrieve her egg salad sandwich which had landed on an upper branch. She stood tall and strode back to the lobby not slipping a whit!
2) On to solving Connie's problem! Using a paper gift certificate she had left in her sock drawer, she mail-ordered a "sexy" negligee from Lace Place. When it arrived, she loved it but couldn't get the crocheted beauty to stay on a hanger! She had already ironed it seven times as she was hoping that Wendell would arrive for a Christmas "nog" (her words, not ours) and was getting frustrated (in more ways than one). CELEBRATE to the rescue! "I've got this one" said Michael as he pulled a package of dollar store felt pads from the junk drawer of his work bench. "Hand me a coat hanger from the lobby and I'll show you how to solve your slippery problem!" he barked. He deftly peeled a pad from it's backing and pinched it upon itself about 2/3rd of the way down on each side of the hanger. Perfect! Connie told us the next morning that the straps stayed put and wouldn't go past the felt pads! "Yippee" Timmy exclaimed with glee.
3) We were feeling especially good about our problem solving abilities when Timmy said, "Hey chums! Did I ever tell you about my summer at Camp Lobster Claw? You probably think it was an intensive camp for seafood lovers but it wasn't! It was an exclusive, by invitation only, challenge camp for gifted, young, jewelry designers from the Mid-West! Our camp motto was, 'To hell with lanyards we only use gems and metals'!" Timmy then unbuttoned his shirt and revealed a camp sash so crowded with achievement badges and pins that it looked like a Bolivian bus at rush hour. He explained that his most prized medal was the one he received for winning the "Great Chain Untangling Competition of 2007".
"Wow" said Wendell "How did you do it?"
"Baby oil" Timmy shrieked.
"Eww" Connie muttered.
"Don't be so fast with that eww" quipped Wendell,"Go on Timothy."
"This is the first time I have ever revealed the secrets of untangling chains." Timmy confided. "Just pour a little baby oil over the knot in the tangle and then start gently picking it apart. In moments it will be free!" he said.
"That's it?!" Connie bitched.
"YUPPERS!" Timmy grinned.
TO BE CONTINUED...
